Here at The Basic Cinephile we have crafted a complex and robust algorithm to calculate, with nearly perfect accuracy, the appeal and general likability of a film. JK, f*ck math! We watch movies, we see if we like them, and then we use our emoji rating scale to assign the movie a score.

emoji rating scale:

⭐️= as good as a Pumpkin Spice Latte
🔥= that’s hot
👌🏼= ok
💩= delightfully sh*tty
🙅🏼‍♀️= thank u, next

each rating broken down and explained:

⭐️= as good as a Pumpkin Spice Latte

We know that few things in life bring as much joy as when the first taste of PSL hits your lips in the fall. Crisp leaves are crunching under your Uggs-clad feet with each step you take into every basic b*tch’s favorite season. This rating is reserved for the best of the best. Think Forest Gump, Erin Brockovitch, Hidden Figures, etc.

🔥= that’s hot

Paris Hilton and Nicole Richie’s infamous tagline from their early foray into reality tv. Anything you like can be hot. Sometimes it’s a well-made film with high production value. Sometimes it’s a Hallmark Christmas movie. But hey, if we like it, we’re giving it🔥Think Charlie’s Angels (2000), Austin Powers, Someone Great, etc.

👌🏼= ok

Didn’t hate it, but didn’t love it enough to even give ok the extra “ay” that it usually deserves. An ok movie isn’t bad, but it’s very meh and also not worth paying to watch. Think Charlie’s Angels (2019), Downton Abbey the movie, etc.

💩= delightfully sh*tty

Some of our all-time favorite movies fall under this category. These are our loud and proud guilty pleasures. Think National Treasure, Scream, Falling Inn Love, Jane Austin Book Club, etc.

🙅🏼‍♀️= thank u, next

Without these movies we wouldn’t be able to appreciate the finer things in life. But like, learn from our mistakes, they’re not worth watching. Think The Dead Don’t Die, Swiped, Christian Mingle The Movie, etc.